The Life-Saving Power of Happy Memories
A family friend once lost his son to suicide. When I saw him at a reunion a few months later, he wasn’t just surviving—he was living. Someone asked how he stayed so positive, and he said simply: “I focus on the good memories.”
Sometimes people act happy even when they are suffering tremendous pain. But my friend didn’t seem to be acting. Maybe he’s just a good actor, or maybe there’s some real truth in his answer.
What if happy memories aren’t just nostalgic but essential for our wellbeing? The Brothers Karamazov, Harry Potter, and psychological research, all suggest recalling a happy memory as a powerful tool.
The final speech in The Brothers Karamazov may be my favorite scene in the entire 350,000 word novel. Alyosha, often seen as the novel’s spiritual heart, offers this wonderful piece of advice.
"You must know that there is nothing higher and stronger and more wholesome and good for life in the future than some good memory, especially a memory of childhood, of home. People talk to you a great deal about your education, but some good, sacred memory, preserved from childhood, is perhaps the best education. If a man carries many such memories with him into life, he is safe to the end of his days, and if one has only one good memory left in one’s heart, even that may sometime be the means of saving us."
While The Brothers Karamazov suggests carrying a positive memory, Harry Potter illustrates its power. In The Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry is attacked by Dementors. Professor Remus Lupin explains how these dark creatures work.
"Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory, will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself – soulless and evil."
The best way for a person to break free from the hypnotic clutches of a Dementor is The Patronus Charm. The charm is cast with a chant that only works if the caster is focusing, with all their might, on a single happy memory.
This idea of remembering positive experiences is also echoed in psychological research. Much like the Patronus protects Harry from the Dementors, recalling happy memories can reduce depression and dampen stress responses. One study found that recalling happy memories reduced depression in adolescents with a history of trauma. Another showed that such recall dampens the stress response. In this second study, researchers compared the use of happy memories to the use of neutral ones. The happy memories showed clear benefits over neutral ones.
It looks like my friend was onto something. There is good evidence, in fiction and science, that focusing on happy memories comes with real benefits.
I like to keep a memory of my grandfather handy for when I need a little boost. When he was nearing his death, my parents encouraged me to play guitar for him. I only knew a few basic chords at that point, but I managed to stumble through a couple of punk rock songs. To my surprise, my grandfather beamed with joy and praised my meager expressions. That memory, small yet sacred, is like a light that guides me through darkness. What about you? Is there a memory you hold onto that lights your way?